Parents are sometimes afraid that they will push their children away by talking to them about drug use. You may be worried that your child will get in trouble with the law and that it may affect his or her ability to qualify for scholarships or get a job. But kids who make a choice — one or more times — to use drugs or alcohol are at a crossroads and need your help. Overcoming your own fears is an important step in getting help for your child. See our Parents Drug Resource page for more information.
Family members — even parents — sometimes introduce kids to drugs. Parents need to acknowledge their own problem if they are going to help their children with theirs.
The most important thing to remember is that it is never too early or too late to take action regarding your kid’s drug use. Parents are the most important part of a kid’s life; your actions on their behalf can make a difference.
When you have a suspicion, what do you do? First, learn as much as you can. Check out various resources (see our other posts).
The next thing you can do is sit down and talk with your child. Be sure to have the conversation when all of you are calm and have plenty of time. This isn’t an easy task. Your feelings may range from anger to guilt, or you may feel that you have “failed” because your kid is using drugs. This isn’t true. By staying involved, you can help them stop using drugs and make choices that will make a positive difference in their lives.
Tell your child what you see and how you feel about it. Be specific about the things you have observed that cause concern. Make it known that you found drug paraphernalia (or empty bottles or cans). Explain exactly how their behavior or appearance (bloodshot eyes, different clothing) has changed and why that worries you. Tell them you’ve noticed that they have new friends that you don’t necessarily know or approve of.
Let your kids know that you love them and that you will drug test them. When your kids know that you do drug test them, they have a great excuse for their friends, "No way, my parents drug test me!" Many parents wait until it is too late to drug test. The truth is, there is no good excuse not to drug test your teens. For more information, see our Home Drug Test page.
It is important to set clear ground rules in your family about drug and alcohol use — e.g., in this family, we don’t smoke marijuana — and to let your kids know that you will enforce these rules.
Have this discussion without getting mad or accusing your child of being stupid or bad or an embarrassment to the family. Knowing that kids are naturally private about their lives, try to find out what’s going on in your child’s life. What is he doing? When was the last time he used? Did he do anything that he regrets? Try not to make the discussion an inquisition; simply try to connect with your teen. Find out if friends or others offered your child drugs at a party or school. Did they try it just out of curiosity, or did they take the initiative to use marijuana or alcohol for some other reason? That alone will be a signal to your child that you take your responsibility as a parent seriously and that you will exercise your parental rights.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Some Things To Keep In Mind When You Talk To Your Child
• Tell your son or daughter you LOVE him/her and that you are worried that he/she might be using drugs or alcohol.
• Say that: You KNOW that drugs may seem like the thing to do, but doing drugs can have serious consequences;
• It makes you FEEL worried and concerned about them when they do drugs;
• You are there to LISTEN to them;
• You WANT them to be a part of the solution;
• What you will do to HELP them.
Know that you will have this discussion many, many times. Talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol is not a one-time event.
Be prepared for your teen to deny using drugs. Don’t expect them to admit they have a problem. Your child will probably get angry and might try to change the subject. Maybe you’ll be confronted with questions about what you did as a kid. If you are asked, experts agree that it is best to be honest. Answering deceptively can cause you to lose credibility with your kids if they ever find out that you’ve lied to them.
On the other hand, if you don’t feel comfortable answering the question, you may decide that the time is not right to discuss your previous drug use. As with other possibly sensitive topics such as sex, you should talk about it when you’re ready. However, if the time comes to talk about it, you can give short, honest answers like these:
“When I was a kid, I took drugs because some of my friends did. I thought I needed to in order to fit in. We didn’t know as much as we do now about all the bad things that can happen when you smoke marijuana or use other drugs — especially when you are a teenager. If I’d known then about the consequences, I never would have tried drugs, and I’ll do everything I can to help keep you away from them.”
“Everybody makes mistakes. When I used drugs, I made a big one. I’m telling you this, even though it’s embarrassing, because I love you and I want to save you from making the same stupid decision I made when I was your age.”
“I drank alcohol and smoked marijuana because I was bored and wanted to take some risks, but I soon found out that I couldn’t control the risks — the loss of trust of my parents and friends. There are much better ways of challenging yourself than doing drugs.”
• Say that: You KNOW that drugs may seem like the thing to do, but doing drugs can have serious consequences;
• It makes you FEEL worried and concerned about them when they do drugs;
• You are there to LISTEN to them;
• You WANT them to be a part of the solution;
• What you will do to HELP them.
Know that you will have this discussion many, many times. Talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol is not a one-time event.
Be prepared for your teen to deny using drugs. Don’t expect them to admit they have a problem. Your child will probably get angry and might try to change the subject. Maybe you’ll be confronted with questions about what you did as a kid. If you are asked, experts agree that it is best to be honest. Answering deceptively can cause you to lose credibility with your kids if they ever find out that you’ve lied to them.
On the other hand, if you don’t feel comfortable answering the question, you may decide that the time is not right to discuss your previous drug use. As with other possibly sensitive topics such as sex, you should talk about it when you’re ready. However, if the time comes to talk about it, you can give short, honest answers like these:
“When I was a kid, I took drugs because some of my friends did. I thought I needed to in order to fit in. We didn’t know as much as we do now about all the bad things that can happen when you smoke marijuana or use other drugs — especially when you are a teenager. If I’d known then about the consequences, I never would have tried drugs, and I’ll do everything I can to help keep you away from them.”
“Everybody makes mistakes. When I used drugs, I made a big one. I’m telling you this, even though it’s embarrassing, because I love you and I want to save you from making the same stupid decision I made when I was your age.”
“I drank alcohol and smoked marijuana because I was bored and wanted to take some risks, but I soon found out that I couldn’t control the risks — the loss of trust of my parents and friends. There are much better ways of challenging yourself than doing drugs.”
Parents Who Care
Despite all of your efforts to keep your kids drug-free, one day you might suspect that your son or daughter is using drugs or alcohol. Perhaps you have found an odd-looking pipe in his room, cans and bottles in the car or rolling papers in her laundry. Or you overheard a conversation not meant for you. Whatever the signal, your gut instinct has been activated.
Every day, approximately 4,700 American youth under age 18 try marijuana for the first time. That is about equal to the enrollment of six average-sized U.S. high schools. In 2003, nearly nine out of 10 twelfth graders reported marijuana as being accessible. By the time they finish the eighth grade, approximately 50 percent of adolescents have had at least one drink, and more than 20 percent report having been “drunk.” Drug and alcohol use by teens increases the risk of addiction and can change the developing brain for life.
Despite these statistics, one thing remains true: Parents are the most important influence in a teen’s decisions about drug use. You can and do make a difference. If you suspect or know that your child is using drugs, take action now, because the longer you wait, the harder it will be to deal with your child’s drug use.
Whether you are a parent, grandparent or any other person who cares about a child's future, it is important that you have knowledge about how to prevent teen drug abuse. It's hard for us to imagine that a child we love could end up using drugs. But chances are, most children will be faced with, "Should I, or shouldn't I?" As parents we must teach our children to know that the answer is, "I shouldn't, and I won't."
Here are some facts about kids and drug use: Forty percent of U.S. teens say they expect to use a drug in the future. One out of every five kids in eighth grade has already tried marijuana. Use of substances such as marijuana and inhalants can result in social consequences (e.g., failing in school) and physical consequences such as reduced stamina and fitness or damage to the lungs and brain. Teens who smoke cigarettes are more likely to drink alcohol. Teens who smoke and drink are more likely to use marijuana. And those who use all three are more likely to use other illicit drugs. Long-term studies show that use of other illicit drugs among youth almost never occurs unless they have first used marijuana.
If you suspect your teen has been using drugs or drinking alcohol, it's important to act quickly: the longer your teen abuses substances, the more likely they are to become addicted. If you do find the problem is beyond your expertise, there are teen drug treatment programs that specialize in the special needs of this population.
Be especially scrutinizing as you determine the drug rehab program that meets your child's specific needs. Many of these teen programs also offer boarding school academics so they can continue to earn credits while recovering from their addiction.
Every day, approximately 4,700 American youth under age 18 try marijuana for the first time. That is about equal to the enrollment of six average-sized U.S. high schools. In 2003, nearly nine out of 10 twelfth graders reported marijuana as being accessible. By the time they finish the eighth grade, approximately 50 percent of adolescents have had at least one drink, and more than 20 percent report having been “drunk.” Drug and alcohol use by teens increases the risk of addiction and can change the developing brain for life.
Despite these statistics, one thing remains true: Parents are the most important influence in a teen’s decisions about drug use. You can and do make a difference. If you suspect or know that your child is using drugs, take action now, because the longer you wait, the harder it will be to deal with your child’s drug use.
Whether you are a parent, grandparent or any other person who cares about a child's future, it is important that you have knowledge about how to prevent teen drug abuse. It's hard for us to imagine that a child we love could end up using drugs. But chances are, most children will be faced with, "Should I, or shouldn't I?" As parents we must teach our children to know that the answer is, "I shouldn't, and I won't."
Here are some facts about kids and drug use: Forty percent of U.S. teens say they expect to use a drug in the future. One out of every five kids in eighth grade has already tried marijuana. Use of substances such as marijuana and inhalants can result in social consequences (e.g., failing in school) and physical consequences such as reduced stamina and fitness or damage to the lungs and brain. Teens who smoke cigarettes are more likely to drink alcohol. Teens who smoke and drink are more likely to use marijuana. And those who use all three are more likely to use other illicit drugs. Long-term studies show that use of other illicit drugs among youth almost never occurs unless they have first used marijuana.
If you suspect your teen has been using drugs or drinking alcohol, it's important to act quickly: the longer your teen abuses substances, the more likely they are to become addicted. If you do find the problem is beyond your expertise, there are teen drug treatment programs that specialize in the special needs of this population.
Be especially scrutinizing as you determine the drug rehab program that meets your child's specific needs. Many of these teen programs also offer boarding school academics so they can continue to earn credits while recovering from their addiction.
Parents In Denial?
Drug Use Is Serious! Drug and Alcohol Abuse Leads To Serious Problems.
Most adults acknowledge that drug experimentation by teens is risky and can lead to serious trouble. But some say “it’s only marijuana,” or “it’s only alcohol,” or “it’s a rite of passage.” Not any more. The world has changed, and so have the drugs. In fact, the marijuana of today is stronger than ever before. And kids are using drugs and alcohol at a much younger age, when their bodies and brains are still developing and more vulnerable to their effects. Drug and alcohol use can lead to many negative consequences, including bad grades, broken friendships, family problems, physical injuries and trouble with the law.
Substance use (including alcohol, which is illegal in all 50 states for people under the age of 21) can change the direction of a young person’s life — physically, emotionally and behaviorally. It can weaken the ability to concentrate and retain information during a teen’s peak learning years, and it can impair judgment, leading to risky decision-making that could involve sex or riding in a car with someone under the influence of drugs.
“Experimentation,” even with marijuana, can also lead to addiction. Not everyone progresses from use to abuse to addiction, but it is a dangerous road, and there is no way to know who will develop a problem and who won’t. Research shows that kids start using drugs and alcohol because they feel the need to take risks or they believe it will help them fit in or feel better. Sometimes they use drugs because they are seeking relief from stress or feelings of depression. And it’s important to remember that there is, sometimes, a genetic risk for addiction — just like heart disease, diabetes, cancer and other diseases.
Drug and alcohol use by teens is not something to be taken lightly. More teens are in treatment for marijuana dependence than for all other illicit drugs combined. A 1998 study by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reports that if a teen starts to drink at 15, he or she has a 40 percent chance of alcoholism or alcohol dependence as an adult.
Marijuana affects alertness, concentration, perception, coordination and reaction time, many of the skills required for safe driving and other tasks. These effects can last up to 24 hours after smoking marijuana. Marijuana use can also make it difficult to judge distances and react to signals and sounds on the road. Regular use of marijuana leads to some changes in the brain that are similar to those caused by cocaine, heroin or alcohol.
How can you tell if your child is using drugs?
It is difficult because changes in mood or attitudes, unusual temper outbursts, changes in sleeping habits, changes in hobbies or other interests are common in teens.
Signs and Symptoms - What Should You Look For?
• Negative changes in schoolwork; missing school or declining grades
• Increased secrecy about possessions or activities
• Use of incense, room deodorant or perfume to hide smoke or chemical odors
• Subtle changes in conversations with friends, e.g., more secretive, using “coded” language
• New friends
• Change in clothing choices — new fascination with clothes that highlight drug use
• Increase in borrowing money
• Evidence of drug paraphernalia, such as pipes, rolling papers
• Evidence of inhaling products and accessories, such as hairspray, nail polish, correction fluid, paper bags and rags, common household products
• Bottles of eye drops, which may be used to mask bloodshot eyes or dilated pupils
• New use of mouthwash or breath mints to cover up the smell of alcohol
• Missing prescription drugs — especially narcotics and mood stabilizers
These changes often signal that something troubling is going on and may involve alcohol or drugs.
Most adults acknowledge that drug experimentation by teens is risky and can lead to serious trouble. But some say “it’s only marijuana,” or “it’s only alcohol,” or “it’s a rite of passage.” Not any more. The world has changed, and so have the drugs. In fact, the marijuana of today is stronger than ever before. And kids are using drugs and alcohol at a much younger age, when their bodies and brains are still developing and more vulnerable to their effects. Drug and alcohol use can lead to many negative consequences, including bad grades, broken friendships, family problems, physical injuries and trouble with the law.
Substance use (including alcohol, which is illegal in all 50 states for people under the age of 21) can change the direction of a young person’s life — physically, emotionally and behaviorally. It can weaken the ability to concentrate and retain information during a teen’s peak learning years, and it can impair judgment, leading to risky decision-making that could involve sex or riding in a car with someone under the influence of drugs.
“Experimentation,” even with marijuana, can also lead to addiction. Not everyone progresses from use to abuse to addiction, but it is a dangerous road, and there is no way to know who will develop a problem and who won’t. Research shows that kids start using drugs and alcohol because they feel the need to take risks or they believe it will help them fit in or feel better. Sometimes they use drugs because they are seeking relief from stress or feelings of depression. And it’s important to remember that there is, sometimes, a genetic risk for addiction — just like heart disease, diabetes, cancer and other diseases.
Drug and alcohol use by teens is not something to be taken lightly. More teens are in treatment for marijuana dependence than for all other illicit drugs combined. A 1998 study by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reports that if a teen starts to drink at 15, he or she has a 40 percent chance of alcoholism or alcohol dependence as an adult.
Marijuana affects alertness, concentration, perception, coordination and reaction time, many of the skills required for safe driving and other tasks. These effects can last up to 24 hours after smoking marijuana. Marijuana use can also make it difficult to judge distances and react to signals and sounds on the road. Regular use of marijuana leads to some changes in the brain that are similar to those caused by cocaine, heroin or alcohol.
How can you tell if your child is using drugs?
It is difficult because changes in mood or attitudes, unusual temper outbursts, changes in sleeping habits, changes in hobbies or other interests are common in teens.
Signs and Symptoms - What Should You Look For?
• Negative changes in schoolwork; missing school or declining grades
• Increased secrecy about possessions or activities
• Use of incense, room deodorant or perfume to hide smoke or chemical odors
• Subtle changes in conversations with friends, e.g., more secretive, using “coded” language
• New friends
• Change in clothing choices — new fascination with clothes that highlight drug use
• Increase in borrowing money
• Evidence of drug paraphernalia, such as pipes, rolling papers
• Evidence of inhaling products and accessories, such as hairspray, nail polish, correction fluid, paper bags and rags, common household products
• Bottles of eye drops, which may be used to mask bloodshot eyes or dilated pupils
• New use of mouthwash or breath mints to cover up the smell of alcohol
• Missing prescription drugs — especially narcotics and mood stabilizers
These changes often signal that something troubling is going on and may involve alcohol or drugs.
Parents - Reach Out To Your Teenage Children
If you would like to see your kids stay drug free, then take this pledge:
I Will Talk to My Teen About Drugs: Only a third of parents talk to their teens about the risks of using drugs and alcohol,
despite research showing that kids are less likely to use if parents have these conversations.
I Will Set Clear “No-Drug” Rules: Telling your teen that drugs and alcohol are not allowed—and outlining the consequences
for breaking the rules—are important steps to keeping your child drug-free.
I Will Be More Involved: Teens whose parents are involved in their lives are less likely to use illicit drugs or alcohol, or to be
involved in other risky behaviors. Talk to other parents about their rules and level of involvement, too.
I Will Ask the Right Questions: Know what your children are doing when they are away from you, where they go and who
their friends are. Know what they do on and offl ine. And monitor digital activities, too, such as Internet usage, text messaging
and social networking sites.
I Will Stay on Top of Emerging Drug Threats: Keep up with what new drug trends teens might be into, such as using
prescription drugs to get high. Track quantities of medications in your own home; dispose of old pills safely and properly, and
ask others, such as family members, to do the same.
Many parents don’t believe there is a generation disconnect between
them and their teen.) How much do parents really know about their teen’s world?
Especially as teens adopt new technologies so quickly?
Teens may be a hard study, but knowing more about their world and the infl uences
around them will help you connect better with your teen.
Research shows that parental monitoring is effective in reducing risky behaviors
among teens. In fact, teens who are not regularly monitored by their parents are
four times more likely to use illicit drugs.1 And while 80% of parents believe that
alcohol and marijuana are not available at the parties their teens attend, 50% of
teen partygoers attend parties where alcohol, drugs or both are available.2
These tasks take you a step closer to bridging the generation gap with your teen. To learn more about how parents like you are
connecting better with their teens, try these Action Items and report back at www.TheAntiDrug.com/ParentChronicles:
• Pick up your teen’s mp3 player and go to the “Top 25 Most Played” section. Listen for references to alcohol, drugs or
other risky behaviors. Then talk with your teen about what you heard.
• Visit social networking sites like MySpace.com, and browse the profi les of teens your child’s age to see what they say,
what their interests are and what they are doing online.
• Can you name your teen’s favorite TV show? Watch it with him or her and discuss story lines.
• Go to a video sharing Web site and type in “smoking weed.” Watch some of the videos. Did you know that your teen
might be exposed to these images?
I Will Talk to My Teen About Drugs: Only a third of parents talk to their teens about the risks of using drugs and alcohol,
despite research showing that kids are less likely to use if parents have these conversations.
I Will Set Clear “No-Drug” Rules: Telling your teen that drugs and alcohol are not allowed—and outlining the consequences
for breaking the rules—are important steps to keeping your child drug-free.
I Will Be More Involved: Teens whose parents are involved in their lives are less likely to use illicit drugs or alcohol, or to be
involved in other risky behaviors. Talk to other parents about their rules and level of involvement, too.
I Will Ask the Right Questions: Know what your children are doing when they are away from you, where they go and who
their friends are. Know what they do on and offl ine. And monitor digital activities, too, such as Internet usage, text messaging
and social networking sites.
I Will Stay on Top of Emerging Drug Threats: Keep up with what new drug trends teens might be into, such as using
prescription drugs to get high. Track quantities of medications in your own home; dispose of old pills safely and properly, and
ask others, such as family members, to do the same.
Many parents don’t believe there is a generation disconnect between
them and their teen.) How much do parents really know about their teen’s world?
Especially as teens adopt new technologies so quickly?
Teens may be a hard study, but knowing more about their world and the infl uences
around them will help you connect better with your teen.
Research shows that parental monitoring is effective in reducing risky behaviors
among teens. In fact, teens who are not regularly monitored by their parents are
four times more likely to use illicit drugs.1 And while 80% of parents believe that
alcohol and marijuana are not available at the parties their teens attend, 50% of
teen partygoers attend parties where alcohol, drugs or both are available.2
These tasks take you a step closer to bridging the generation gap with your teen. To learn more about how parents like you are
connecting better with their teens, try these Action Items and report back at www.TheAntiDrug.com/ParentChronicles:
• Pick up your teen’s mp3 player and go to the “Top 25 Most Played” section. Listen for references to alcohol, drugs or
other risky behaviors. Then talk with your teen about what you heard.
• Visit social networking sites like MySpace.com, and browse the profi les of teens your child’s age to see what they say,
what their interests are and what they are doing online.
• Can you name your teen’s favorite TV show? Watch it with him or her and discuss story lines.
• Go to a video sharing Web site and type in “smoking weed.” Watch some of the videos. Did you know that your teen
might be exposed to these images?
How To Talk To Teens About Drugs
How To Talk To Teens About Drugs
Very few parents would argue with the idea that teens shouldn’t do drugs – but when it comes to actually imparting that message to their own children, many moms and dads are hesitant to have “the talk” about steering clear of illicit substances. Regardless of the reasons for this reluctance – fear of upsetting their teens, discomfort over being confronted over their own behavior, belief that they don’t know enough to adequately address the subject – the result is often a default “don’t ask, don’t tell policy” that is encourages teen sneakiness and parental ignorance.
The good news for parents is that talking to your kids about drugs isn’t nearly as difficult as you might think it will be. Educating them about these dangerous substances when they are young – and continuing to emphasize your message as they transition through their teen years – can help prepare them to make smart, healthy decisions that will keep them safe and make you proud.
According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), the following advice can help even the most hesitant parents open a healthy line of communication between themselves and their children:
• Educate yourself – There has never been an easier time to learn the basics about issues related to teens and drugs. The Internet, your local library, and the guidance counselors at your children’s schools are three excellent places to begin your education. The more you learn, the more confident you will become – and the more comfortable and authoritative you will be when talking to your teens.
• Be clear and direct – Your children may not agree with everything you tell them, but they need to have a clear understanding of where you stand. Your primary message – zero tolerance when it comes to drugs and alcohol – should be the foundation of every discussion you have with your children about this topic.
• Be open-minded and accessible – Remember: These are discussions, not lectures. It’s important that you clearly express your point of view – but you also need to encourage your teens to share their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Your willingness to participate in an ongoing, open, and honest dialogue with your children will make them much more likely to attach value to what you say to them.
• Stay calm – Drug use can be a stressful subject, but that doesn’t mean your discussions have to devolve into shout-fests. You may hear some things from your children that upset you – but by keeping your cool, and focusing on facts, you can show your kids that they can talk to you about uncomfortable issues without fear that you will overreact, belittle, or berate them.
• Stay relaxed – In addition to remaining calm yourself, do whatever you can to keep the entire conversation more casual in nature. A formal family sit-down can create tension, cause your children to “clam up,” and diminish the effectiveness of the talk – all before anything has even been said. Avoid taking a “we have to talk” approach, and instead bring up the topic of drugs and alcohol in relaxed, nonthreatening environments such as a trip to the mall or while sharing a snack in front of the television.
• Use ‘teachable moments’ – Take advantage of opportunities to talk about drugs and alcohol whenever they occur – such as when watching a TV show or movie about the topic, hearing a song that glorifies drug abuse, or reading a news article about teens and illicit substances. This helps continue the dialogue, and emphasizes that “the drug talk” wasn’t just a one-time thing.
• Practice what you preach – Your words are important, but they pale in comparison to your activities. For example, if you regularly drink alcohol or use drugs, don’t think that your kids don’t know – and don’t expect them to follow your “do as I say, not as I do” advice. Avoiding hypocrisy is always a good idea – and when it comes to your children, your honesty and sincerity can make all the difference in the world.
There’s no one “right way” to talk to your children about drugs – and there’s no one-size-fits-all template for how to do so effectively. You may not be an expert on drug use and prevention, but you are an expert on the one thing that matters most: your children. Talk to them openly, honestly, and – most importantly – often. They may not thank you for your efforts, but if they lead healthy lives and make smart decisions, what you’ll receive will be much greater than gratitude.
Very few parents would argue with the idea that teens shouldn’t do drugs – but when it comes to actually imparting that message to their own children, many moms and dads are hesitant to have “the talk” about steering clear of illicit substances. Regardless of the reasons for this reluctance – fear of upsetting their teens, discomfort over being confronted over their own behavior, belief that they don’t know enough to adequately address the subject – the result is often a default “don’t ask, don’t tell policy” that is encourages teen sneakiness and parental ignorance.
The good news for parents is that talking to your kids about drugs isn’t nearly as difficult as you might think it will be. Educating them about these dangerous substances when they are young – and continuing to emphasize your message as they transition through their teen years – can help prepare them to make smart, healthy decisions that will keep them safe and make you proud.
According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), the following advice can help even the most hesitant parents open a healthy line of communication between themselves and their children:
• Educate yourself – There has never been an easier time to learn the basics about issues related to teens and drugs. The Internet, your local library, and the guidance counselors at your children’s schools are three excellent places to begin your education. The more you learn, the more confident you will become – and the more comfortable and authoritative you will be when talking to your teens.
• Be clear and direct – Your children may not agree with everything you tell them, but they need to have a clear understanding of where you stand. Your primary message – zero tolerance when it comes to drugs and alcohol – should be the foundation of every discussion you have with your children about this topic.
• Be open-minded and accessible – Remember: These are discussions, not lectures. It’s important that you clearly express your point of view – but you also need to encourage your teens to share their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Your willingness to participate in an ongoing, open, and honest dialogue with your children will make them much more likely to attach value to what you say to them.
• Stay calm – Drug use can be a stressful subject, but that doesn’t mean your discussions have to devolve into shout-fests. You may hear some things from your children that upset you – but by keeping your cool, and focusing on facts, you can show your kids that they can talk to you about uncomfortable issues without fear that you will overreact, belittle, or berate them.
• Stay relaxed – In addition to remaining calm yourself, do whatever you can to keep the entire conversation more casual in nature. A formal family sit-down can create tension, cause your children to “clam up,” and diminish the effectiveness of the talk – all before anything has even been said. Avoid taking a “we have to talk” approach, and instead bring up the topic of drugs and alcohol in relaxed, nonthreatening environments such as a trip to the mall or while sharing a snack in front of the television.
• Use ‘teachable moments’ – Take advantage of opportunities to talk about drugs and alcohol whenever they occur – such as when watching a TV show or movie about the topic, hearing a song that glorifies drug abuse, or reading a news article about teens and illicit substances. This helps continue the dialogue, and emphasizes that “the drug talk” wasn’t just a one-time thing.
• Practice what you preach – Your words are important, but they pale in comparison to your activities. For example, if you regularly drink alcohol or use drugs, don’t think that your kids don’t know – and don’t expect them to follow your “do as I say, not as I do” advice. Avoiding hypocrisy is always a good idea – and when it comes to your children, your honesty and sincerity can make all the difference in the world.
There’s no one “right way” to talk to your children about drugs – and there’s no one-size-fits-all template for how to do so effectively. You may not be an expert on drug use and prevention, but you are an expert on the one thing that matters most: your children. Talk to them openly, honestly, and – most importantly – often. They may not thank you for your efforts, but if they lead healthy lives and make smart decisions, what you’ll receive will be much greater than gratitude.
How do I talk to my teen?
This can be a difficult and often emotionally-challenging task. Parents come in so many forms. There are the “helicopter” parents that hover over their children, watching every move.
There are they “buddy” parents, who want to be friends with their children. Some parents are not involved at all with their children, while others limit their interaction to only the necessary tasks. There is a vast majority of parents who just try to do the right thing.
Let’s cut to the chase. You are the parent, so be the parent. As a parent, you want to be involved with your child. Preventative measures concerning the use of drugs and alcohol are important for parent. Just talking to your kids is huge. When you do have a conversation, understand that talking to your teens should be a dialogue, not a monologue. Commonly, teens think their parents are pretty lame, stupid, uninformed, old fashioned and out of touch. That’s a given. Commonly parents think they should lecture the child and not listen to what that child has to say. You can see that any communication is difficult when neither party wants to hear.
Teenagers are people, so talk to them like people. You can be authoritative without being authoritarian. What is your teen’s understanding of drug abuse? What have they experienced in their school, with their friends? What is a point of commonality that you can use to make a connection with your kid? Listen for that. They will probably have ideas that are counter to your own, so listen to them and try to pick up on themes and common points to find agreement. So often the conversation turns into an argument because the teen or the parent gets mad. “You’re not listening to me!”
Think of communicating with your teen as a process. Teens tune out the parents because the parents lack credibility with them. I am older than most people who read this response, but I can vividly remember my teenaged years and how difficult it was to get my parents to listen to me. It was hard for them to just listen, mainly because they did not agree with my reasoning, or even how I felt about anything. I was always wrong. They were always right. Allow your teen to express their ideas and feelings. Talking to your kids about drugs isn’t a debate; it’s a conversation, an exchange of ideas. If you are willing to listen, you might want them to tell you about drugs. You can ask the questions, just as if you were talking to a drug abuse professional. The idea is to get them thinking about the answers to questions. If it’s their idea, chances are better that they’ll engage and maybe discover for themselves the seriousness of the subject.
Teenagers are no strangers to drugs in the schools. They may not be equipped to answer important and complex questions about drugs, but they know who is using and they know where they can buy drugs. They have this feeling of invisibility, so if they are using, it’s not a problem because they’re going to live forever. They’re growing up and discovering so many new things. You need to tune into that experience. Remember your own youth and how you felt. Look for the common experience and demonstrate your understanding of their viewpoints.
Don’t point fingers at them, or issue ultimatums and threats. Rather, try to make a loving connection with them, to allow them to see a larger picture. They need to know you love them, so tell them so. Listen to them and give them ample opportunity to open up and talk to you. As the old saying goes, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” This is a good saying to remember.
Be the parent. Love your children. Be in charge.
There are they “buddy” parents, who want to be friends with their children. Some parents are not involved at all with their children, while others limit their interaction to only the necessary tasks. There is a vast majority of parents who just try to do the right thing.
Let’s cut to the chase. You are the parent, so be the parent. As a parent, you want to be involved with your child. Preventative measures concerning the use of drugs and alcohol are important for parent. Just talking to your kids is huge. When you do have a conversation, understand that talking to your teens should be a dialogue, not a monologue. Commonly, teens think their parents are pretty lame, stupid, uninformed, old fashioned and out of touch. That’s a given. Commonly parents think they should lecture the child and not listen to what that child has to say. You can see that any communication is difficult when neither party wants to hear.
Teenagers are people, so talk to them like people. You can be authoritative without being authoritarian. What is your teen’s understanding of drug abuse? What have they experienced in their school, with their friends? What is a point of commonality that you can use to make a connection with your kid? Listen for that. They will probably have ideas that are counter to your own, so listen to them and try to pick up on themes and common points to find agreement. So often the conversation turns into an argument because the teen or the parent gets mad. “You’re not listening to me!”
Think of communicating with your teen as a process. Teens tune out the parents because the parents lack credibility with them. I am older than most people who read this response, but I can vividly remember my teenaged years and how difficult it was to get my parents to listen to me. It was hard for them to just listen, mainly because they did not agree with my reasoning, or even how I felt about anything. I was always wrong. They were always right. Allow your teen to express their ideas and feelings. Talking to your kids about drugs isn’t a debate; it’s a conversation, an exchange of ideas. If you are willing to listen, you might want them to tell you about drugs. You can ask the questions, just as if you were talking to a drug abuse professional. The idea is to get them thinking about the answers to questions. If it’s their idea, chances are better that they’ll engage and maybe discover for themselves the seriousness of the subject.
Teenagers are no strangers to drugs in the schools. They may not be equipped to answer important and complex questions about drugs, but they know who is using and they know where they can buy drugs. They have this feeling of invisibility, so if they are using, it’s not a problem because they’re going to live forever. They’re growing up and discovering so many new things. You need to tune into that experience. Remember your own youth and how you felt. Look for the common experience and demonstrate your understanding of their viewpoints.
Don’t point fingers at them, or issue ultimatums and threats. Rather, try to make a loving connection with them, to allow them to see a larger picture. They need to know you love them, so tell them so. Listen to them and give them ample opportunity to open up and talk to you. As the old saying goes, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” This is a good saying to remember.
Be the parent. Love your children. Be in charge.
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